A Simple Mindset Shift to Go From Sleazy and Salesy to Open-Hearted and Fun-Loving “Selling Without Selling”

Most people are a little uncomfortable with selling. We don't really like it. It doesn't seem to fit.

We don’t want to be pushy or obnoxious. We don’t want to be “salesy”.

Most of us just want to do the thing and get paid. Simple. Cut and dry. No drama.

But somewhere in there money changes hands.

And before then, somewhere someone believes that what you got is something they want.

Somewhere a sale is made.

But what if it didn’t have to be so icky? What if selling was a natural, effortless process?

We’re going to explore both our internal resistance to selling and how we can reorient the whole process to be authentic and natural, and perhaps even approach the holy grail of business: “selling without selling”

It’s All In Your Head – The Secret Source of Selling Resistance

So what is it about selling? Why are we so uncomfortable with it?

Honestly, it’s pretty simple.

We don’t want to be assholes. We don’t want to brag. We want to be nice, modest, humble, or any number of pleasant adjectives that don’t involve imposing ourselves onto others.

If this is you, good job being a good person! The world needs more of you! The world is a better place because you care.

But the problem isn’t with “selling”, per se…  it is with how you think about selling.

Humans have been selling each other since we’ve had culture. Ever since two tribes came together to exchange animal hides, shells, and baskets. It is natural.

It’s more like a dance or a good conversation. It’s a mutual exchange of pleasure where we both get something we want.

When we approach it from this perspective – we can shift how we relate to selling. It’s not about being an asshole. It’s about listening. It’s about dialogue.

It is about the core element that forms the fabric of human society

Kiss and Sell

It’s about relationships. Shifting how you think about selling form transactional to relational, it will change how you do business.

Let’s run with this metaphor and say the sale is a kiss. When the relationship has a strong foundation and mutual interest, a kiss is natural. It just feels right. There’s no coercion.

So let’s take a step away from the selling, and focus on the relationship and what that looks like in a business.

Think about being in any relationship. What is important?

Being real. Being truthful. Being compassionate.

But also fun. Excitement. Stimulating conversation and memorable experiences. There’s an element of seduction, but it’s authentic (at least in a healthy relationship). You don’t misrepresent yourself or pretend to be someone you’re not.

Now what in the hell does this look like in a business? How do you create a strong relationship. You’re not going to be taking your customers to dinner and a movie or long romantic walks on the beach.

How to Build Relationships With Your Audience Online

It can look like content marketing. Consistently showing up and providing amazing stuff for free. If you showed up at my door every day with fresh cookies… I’d probably start to like you.

I might even invite you inside for some tea.

It can look like email marketing. Writing entertaining and informative messages, showing me your wonderful and weird self, telling me interesting stories, subtly showing off your qualities and with plenty of valuable information or material that make my life better.

You can use social media to interact directly with your tribe, share your thoughts, and connect with other like minds. Start compelling conversations, show up for people when they need someone, and help others.

You could even talk to them <gasp!> on the phone or send them an actual card. In a digital age, real human communication goes a long way for building trust.

There are lots of different ways to go about building healthy relationships with your audience, but ultimately it all comes down to the perspective you take and how that is expressed through you words.

So… what do I do now?

In the same way that not everyone is comfortable selling, not everyone is comfortable communicating this way through the written word.

If that’s you, I have two suggestions.

  1. Practice. This is the only way you will get better. You may suck at first. That’s ok. As long as you're coming from the right place with the right mindset, you’ll be fine. You’ll improve get better, and in a few short weeks you’ll be feeling more natural.

  2. Hire a writer. A good writer will take the time to get to know you and learn your voice so you are authentically represented. They will have an understanding of your goals, your objectives, and how you want come through the page.

Want to hire me?

Reach out to jeff@jeffkimes.com and schedule a free 20 minute consultation!

Jeff Kimes